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  • The Making of This Baby: Part IX | Making of a Family
    bay any longer Out of sheer habit I did the things I always did with negative tests turned on more lights and tilted the test back and forth just in case there was secretly a line there after all While I was doing this I realized something strange There was really truly nothing No pregnancy line but no control line either The test was defective Or more likely I had literally flooded it with my huge reserve of desperation anticipation and saved up pee After having turned off all my hopefulness in the space of a moment I had to find a way to rewind we never took that test That negative we thought we saw never happened I took some very deep breaths and tried again while Sandy was in the shower This time I cheated a little and watched to make sure the control line showed up I didn t see anything happen in the main test window so I started preparing myself for the negative I hid the test in the wrapper and after a few minutes we turned on all the lights in the bathroom and got ready Sandy pulled the test out and we both grabbed for the test to get a good look There was a line It was a really faint line the kind of line where you spend a lot of time passing the test back and forth and saying That s a line right That s totally a line It was the pale smudgy watery looking blue line we had been straining to see for twenty months and suddenly there it was I wish I could end this story right there Wish I could tell you that we saw the line and magically the previous twenty months of anxiety and disappointment

    Original URL path: http://the.weisz.es/521/the-making-of-this-baby-part-ix (2016-02-16)
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  • Restless | Making of a Family
    our kid s had a pronoun for a couple months already But we were still very excited to take another peek inside In the last few weeks Perquackey has gotten really active with his kicking and now that we ve seen the ultrasound I think I know why He s huge And got nowhere to go He s packed in there like a spring loaded snake in a jar of nuts I d be kicking too if I was forced to keep myself folded up for 24 hours a day for months on end I feel terrible for the little guy He was definitely interested in making this point to the ultrasound tech who got audibly frustrated as he continuously shifted around throughout the scan She persisted and eventually got us a few quality shots of his blue ribbon spine his little ding ding his freakish devil eyes his amniotic fluid gulping mouth and his tiny little hands which from their position were either engaged in a game of hide and seek or were clawing at the walls of the womb in a desperate effort to escape We ll ask him which one when he s out and older Meanwhile

    Original URL path: http://the.weisz.es/517/restless (2016-02-16)
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  • The Making of This Baby: Part VIII | Making of a Family
    and we agreed that with no known physical problems on my end and great embryos to choose from we should try to just transfer one and freeze the rest for later attempts Fertility clinics are dying to bring down their increasingly embarrassing multiple rates and we were only too glad to help out We actually had to sign a special Yes I really only want to do one I swear even though almost everyone does two or three I m just doing one for real form An ultrasound tech I d seen once before came in She was an odd duck I wish I d recorded her speaking because it s nearly impossible to describe It was like she d written out speeches about various elements of IVF procedure memorized them and then rehearsed saying them in a special voice she thought sounded reassuring At first it had the opposite effect sounding so artificial that it was frightening but after a little while it was hypnotizing She hooked up the ultrasound and announced to my great delight that my bladder was too full and that I could go to the bathroom and pee the extremely specific amount of two styrofoam cups full of urine There were cups in the bathroom for this very purpose It was the best pee ever A nurse came in to get everything set up First she got my legs into the crazy full leg stirrups I had noticed when I d been in the room the previous week and then without speaking she carefully and methodically covered my legs and my hoo ha with what appeared to be large napkins Then she wandered out Finally after much longer than I expected to spend covered in napkins and dying to pee a whole crew of people

    Original URL path: http://the.weisz.es/513/the-making-of-this-baby-part-viii (2016-02-16)
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  • Baby's first small world moment | Making of a Family
    a minute of semi awkward brainstorming they came to the much more awkward truth she s a nurse at the fertility clinic In truth she was very sweet and congenial just as she had been at the clinic Not awkward at all We smiled about the good news and shared some laughs about all the quirky things that go on in the halls of that place Still it had that same kind of inappropriateness that overcomes you when you run into your teacher at the grocery store these people exist in real life This is a woman who we ve consulted about our sex life and who s very likely handled cups of my sperm She came to say goodbye as she was leaving and maybe it was the wine slushies speaking but I had something I had to get off my chest Listen I said between you and me those videos are terrible She knew what I meant and while she didn t have first hand experience to draw on she knew For a female nurse The Room must have a air of foul mystique to it Or maybe it s a mystique of foul air She promised to

    Original URL path: http://the.weisz.es/515/babys-first-small-world-moment (2016-02-16)
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  • The Making of This Baby: Part VII | Making of a Family
    used a quick dart like motion and plunged the needle into my butt It didn t hurt any worse than any other needle puncture I d had recently He pulled back on the plunger and thank god no blood In went the medicine out came the needle The puncture didn t even bleed much Done The next day no medications except an antibiotic and the bitter pill of having to wait and do nothing for a whole day The day like many days this month was a total loss I tried to focus on work to be concerned about jumpstarting my new freelance career to think my new website was important But I couldn t think about anything else but the eggs On egg retrieval day the clinic had asked us to have Sandy produce at home One time the nurse told me a guy had gotten to the clinic gotten performance anxiety and not been able to produce They had to cancel the poor woman s cycle At least at home he wouldn t feel time pressure from all the other guys in the waiting room We arrived and waited with a bunch of other nervous looking couples in the waiting room All the women were as our xeroxed instructions had told us wearing stretchy sweatpants and warm socks The husbands were probably like Sandy holding a plastic cup full of their own semen in their pockets They called us back and put us in a tiny prep cubicle There were forms to fill out I got weighed they took me to pee A nurse came in and offered some advice to Sandy about post op She s going to keep asking you the same questions over and over because the anesthesia causes short term memory loss She s going to keep asking you how many eggs they got I made a mental note not to ask this question and definitely not to ask it over and over again When it was time they walked me next door to the procedure room and got me up on an exam table Instead of the normal stirrups I was used to after six months of seemingly constant ultrasounds this table had complicated looking full leg stirrups I eyed them warily but luckily nobody told me to hoist my legs up there People were rushing in and out asking my name and checking details on my chart The ultrasound tech who just a few days ago had said my uterine cavity was the best she d seen all day showed up and proudly told everyone she s one of mine Then the anesthesiologist came in an inserted an IV line Moments later everything started to look very jerky and confusing Then I woke up back in my bed baffled at how I d gotten there I was woozy and confused and freezing cold because of the anesthesia I remembered clearly that the nurse had said I would repeat myself and keep asking

    Original URL path: http://the.weisz.es/507/the-making-of-this-baby-part-vii (2016-02-16)
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  • Hope | Making of a Family
    into the kitchen double checked the math in my head and said to Sarah At least there s this as of roughly today he won t be born in a Bush presidency For a while I wasn t sure I wanted to bring a new person into a world as fucked up as ours Things are still shaky but we re suddenly very hopeful about the country and world that

    Original URL path: http://the.weisz.es/508/hope (2016-02-16)
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  • Because 'Perquackey' isn't going to get him any chicks | Making of a Family
    top choice and Sarah has hers but neither of us is completely sold on the other s And yet from that short list of eight or so names I think we could both live with any one They re all A level it s just that none has yet garnered the A that will put it over the top Is it terrible we re already are expecting perfection from this kid On Saturday we dined at the Noonans and over dinner they grilled about the list We were steadfast in our secrecy for about 5 minutes We are fully aware by now of the caveats in revealing name preferences but they were relentless and the scotch was flowing and they broken us down So as to not tip our hand too flagrantly we cloaked our favorites among a larger list of B levels We ve got tough skin but we know how easy it is for outside influence to seep in and affect preferences With four kids of their own they knew to be supportive of anything we threw out there They also added a few new options though I can say for certain we re not naming this boy Javi The scotch has since worn off so you re not getting any inside information here I know this post would so much more interesting if I just revealed one or two Sorry ain t going to happen However I can tell you one that won t be on there anymore Perquackey got another second cousin last week his twelfth of fourteen that will be born before his due date in June This is striking in that he still has no first cousins though both of his parents are the oldest so I guess that makes sense We had a

    Original URL path: http://the.weisz.es/506/because-perquackey-isnt-going-to-get-him-any-chicks (2016-02-16)
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  • The Making of This Baby: Part VI | Making of a Family
    IUI we d already gotten used to the idea that we might get pregnant without actually having sex but at least all the other steps were still happening in my body IVF removed the last pretense that I could get pregnant more or less on my own and it was a hard thing to accept Suddenly though I was ready Just like that I got the negative pregnancy test and the first thing I said was OK that s it Let s do IVF Making that big decision made me impatient I was ready and I didn t want to wait any longer But as it turns out IVF cycles are long There s an entire month where they do nothing but depress your reproductive system in order to reset it and ready it for all the hormones to come first with birth control pills of all things and then with a drug called called Lupron labeled use advanced prostate cancer While I tried desperately to be patient and went back on the pill we started filling out the pages and pages of consent forms Yes you can make me produce a zillion eggs Sure go ahead and fertilize them all Sure you can freeze the ones you don t implant Suddenly Sandy and I were so excited We re going to get to donate embryos to stem cell research Take that religious right We searched in vain for the consent forms to send all our embryos to the scientists to find the cure for Alzheimer s The nurse slowed me down and reminded me that maybe we d want some of those embryos Remember Trying to get pregnant The frozen embryos could be kept for five years in case our first try didn t work or we wanted to get pregnant again and use my 33 year old eggs instead of my rapidly aging ones The labs will still need embryos in five years Take a deep breath Take a deep breath and inject yourself with a shot of Lupron in the stomach every night While I had done a few shots in the previous months those were pre filled syringes I was now loading up my own needles and tapping them with my fingernail to get the bubbles out like a pro After eleven days of shooting myself full of Lupron I headed in for a checkup terrified that they d cancel me for one reason or another But everything looked good and they told me I could start my massive dose of Follistim which would cause my ovaries to produce lots and lots of eggs The nurse showed me how the special Follistim injection pen worked and sent me on my way Luckily I was working at home that day and luckily I was so distracted and obsessed with my IVF regimen that I decided to rummage through my big box o syringes and read all about the Follistim Lucky because I didn t have a special

    Original URL path: http://the.weisz.es/501/the-making-of-this-baby-part-vi (2016-02-16)
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